confessions of a teen mom *

[HARLEY QUINN MORGAN]

MOOD: still breathing.



so someone mentioned that maybe i should start writing down things in a journal. they said it might help, considering i hate talking about how i'm feeling or what i'm feeling. i'm not as bad as i was a month ago, i'm not good, but i'm hanging in there. it's hard but at least i don't have to go through it alone, i can tell benny's trying to stay strong for both of us, but i know he's still hurting. sometimes when the kids are asleep or with a babysitter we just lie in bed together and hold each other. we don't even have to speak, its like we know what the other is thinking and that we just need the comfort and closeness of one another. i know this won't be easy to get past but i know we can do it. we're both strong people and we have really good support behind us.

is it crazy that i miss my daughter so much and i didn't even know her yet? i held her in my womb for 8 months, she was still apart of me. the picture above is probably the only picture i have of her, even if you can't technically see her. i felt her kick. little luke got to meet her, why couldn't i? would he remember her? probably not. sometimes i still get nightmares of her small dead body on the table. it hurts every time. we keep her near though. benny's mom had her cremated and put in a small urn with her name engraved on it. we keep it in our family room's bookshelf so she's always around. we miss you leia. mommy and daddy will forever keep you in our hearts <3

- Harley

[HARLEY QUINN MORGAN]

MOOD: okay



dex obviously doesn't keep his play room clean and i'm pretty sure he's gonna fall asleep soon. when he's worn out, he just lies there and looks around lol i'm still on maternity leave from work so i'm actually having somewhat of a summer vacation. it doesn't feel like it though since i don't really have any down time, heh. i have little luke, who is actually a calm baby. he's not as nutty as dex was when he was first born. he sleeps mostly and only wakes up to eat really. dex is still getting used to the fact that there's another baby in the house. he likes luke so that's good.

benny's not here. he went out with alex for some sort of "guys day" whatever the hell that is. my guess is beer, wings, and football or something. i don't know. i'm just glad he's going out again. it's not healthy for us to be mopey around the house. i could probably use a good night out actually, but now that i think of it, i don't even remember the last time i went out, unless you count the winter formal a few months ago? i've always been at home with dex and now that i have two little minions, i really don't have the time to go out. anyways, i have to go check on luke, so i'll write again soon.

- Harley