THE MESS I MADE - - * ADAM

[ARIEL LEAH HEART]

Ariel’s life had drastically changed in the last three months since ‘the incident’, it had changed her and gave her the reality check she needed. She just wished that it didn’t happen that way, but knew it was her own fault for ignoring any other warnings beforehand. She had been sober now for three whole months, the first being the worst, due to all the withdrawals she went through in rehab. She hated every second of every day then, especially because she had been dealing with depression at the same time. The scary man who had haunted her nightmares through that entire time seemed to be everywhere she turned, at least in her head he was. She was broken, damaged, and she was afraid she’d never get back to that once happy person. She had missed that entire month of school and she knew when she returned people would wonder where she was, she had Beccah and James lie for her though. As open of a person as she was, she didn’t want anyone to know what she was going through.

After she was released from rehab, she started attending AA meetings, it was where she ran into Brandon, her best friend’s boyfriend at the time. At first, it scared the crap out of her, she never really knew him, other than as Beccah’s boyfriend, Aiden’s older brother, or the guy she sometimes flirted with when he was single. They ended up talking and actually became really close friends thanks to AA and for the next two months, she could feel herself getting better. She didn’t think she’d fully heal ever, but having the right support definitely allowed her to find herself again. She had even opened up in AA about what had happened to her, it wasn’t easy talking about it, but she knew she had to eventually. She couldn’t just stay quiet all the time in those meetings, she was glad she opened up though. The people in there were amazing, she never expected to like it that much.

Everything was starting to fall into place for her again and she could see it, she was actually getting her life together and she had to admit, she was proud of herself. There was only one thing that really burdened her and had ever since ‘the incident’; Adam. He had been right all along and she refused to see it. She had been so stupid, she knew, but apparently she had to see it for herself. She knew he didn’t want her to, but he had told her, ’next time I won’t be there to save you’, those words ran through her mind a lot when she started sobering up. He had warned her, multiple times, hell, he was in love with her, and she completely ignored it. She didn’t care about anything, she wanted to just continue on living her lifestyle that way. She knew she had to talk to him, to apologize and tell him that he right. She wanted to talk to him too, and show him that she was cleaning up her act and thank him for at least trying to warn her.

She knew it wasn’t going to be easy, hell, she didn’t even know if he’d want to talk to her. Their last encounter hadn’t been the most pleasant, they had said goodbye to each other, for good. It had been almost 4 months since she last spoken to Adam, and she had to admit, she missed him. He had always been there before, even if he was always complaining about her lifestyle. He had dealt with her and her antics for as long as he could, until he just couldn’t take it anymore. She hated herself for the way she treated him, the way she walked away when he told her he was in love with her. She had seen him in school a few times, but no words were spoken. She wanted to talk to him, but she knew it couldn’t be in school, she didn’t want him to yell at her in public if it got to that point. She knew he wasn’t an angry guy, but still, they weren’t exactly on speaking terms and hadn’t been for months now.

So here she was, standing in front of his house and had been on the doorstep for almost ten minutes. She was nervous, she didn’t know what she was going to say exactly or if would even speak to her in the first place. Was he even home? She didn’t know. What if he was with a friend or a girl? So many questions, worries, and thoughts were going through her mind as she sat there, not knocking or ringing the door bell. ”Just knock,” she told herself and finally reached up knocking lightly on the door. There was no turning back now, she knew it, she started to nibble on her lip nervously as she waited for him or someone to answer the door.

WORDS: 835
TAGGED: Adam
NOTES: (:

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[ADAM FYNN TAYLOR]

Adam had not been long back from a training exercise. Something his father had helped him set up with the army. It had been a hard week, but he’d enjoyed it. It was hard work and he was finding the urge to go join the army sooner. He’d been training more than usual, and he’d been to more fitness and training camps than before. There was reason behind it, just a few months ago he’d had his heart broken by Ariel. He’d confessed that he loved her and it had been one big fat waste of time. Ironically given he’d told her about her drinking; he’d started to drink just a little bit. The training camps helped. It helped him to refind his focus, cut out the alcohol and push himself physically and mentally. It helped him forget about her, and about his cousin who’d come out gay and had supposedly ran off to marry his gay twisted lover. Whatever had gone on in the past few months Adam wanted to forget it. Instead of thinking about Ariel, he had replaced her with one or two cheerleaders who he managed to change into one night stands or friends with benefits. They’d been after him for a while but he’d always kept himself available for Ariel. It had been a good coping mechanism, because while the physicality of the other girls made an illusion to every one that he was clearly over Ariel, he could still imagine that it was her on top of him. It was sad really, but Ariel had taken Adam’s virginity and his heart pretty much around the same time. But they were never destined to succeed; she was an alcoholic and she didn’t care about herself let alone anyone else. He wasn’t going to be that guy; that go to guy, when she got bored of all of the others. Which was good because he was over her… almost anyway.

The house was empty, and he had been lazing around all day. His father was at the hospital with his mother for a routine appointment about his father’s issues. Caine wasn’t home either. So Adam had watched tv and pigged out on pizza and nachos. He had finally decided to get a shower and decided to spend twenty minutes pruning himself. He climbed out of the shower, dried himself off and then pulled his boxer shorts on. He was brushing his teeth when he heard a light wrap on the door. Adam rolled his eyes, finished brushing his teeth and ran down the stairs. He guessed it would be Aiden or some random delivery guy delivering something that his mother had ordered. He opened the door, not expecting the person that was stood there. Adam’s eyes widened and he leant awkwardly against the door frame. ”Ariel.” he greeted her curiously. He rose an eyebrow at her and he ran a hand through his hair. ”Can I… help you?” he asked, a smile on her lips- he was pleased to see her, but he was also a little angry. Ultimately she had broken his heart and he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to see her, let alone to feel vulnerable standing in his boxer shorts on his doorstep while she stood there watching him. He felt a little awkward and he rubbed the back of his neck. ”I urm… just got out the shower… I should put some pants on.” He suggested almost inviting her in, but he paused a little.

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[ARIEL LEAH HEART]

Ariel took a strand of her hair and twirled around her finger as she waited, it was a habit of hers that she picked up again when her hair started to grow back. Her hair was much shorter the last time she saw Adam, she had just noticed as she looked down at the strand around her finger. It was a random thought, but again, it was another thing that had changed within the last few months. She almost felt like a new person, when really she was just finally healthy and together. Before, her mind was always full of crazy ideas and things to say to people, she was always up and just going, letting the world and her surroundings have its way with her. Every day was a new thing, sometimes she didn’t even remember the day or night before. Now, she was thinking clearly and was actually starting to live her life like she was supposed to and not under the influence all the time.

She tried to distract herself as she waited, letting her eyes wonder around his front porch, she couldn’t even remember the last she had been here. She smiled a little at the memory of Adam sneaking her in after hours on multiple occasions, but her smile quickly faded as she reminded herself what their relationship was like now. There wasn’t even one there anymore and who knew if there would ever even be one again. She didn’t want him completely out of her life, but she was the one that fucked up and chose substance abuse over him. She knew she was wrong and stupid, she probably didn’t even deserve his forgiveness, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to at least try. She would hate herself forever if she didn’t at least try.

She heard someone unlocking the door on the other side and she could feel her body tense up, her hands dropped to her sides as the person she wanted to see was standing right before her, leaning on the doorframe. Her eyes were looking back at him, it had been so long since she had looked at those eyes, and boy, did she miss them. It didn’t take her long to notice that he was only in his boxers, which only made her more nervous. She was so used to just jumping his bones whenever she felt like and it didn’t help that his torso looked more toned than it usually was, he had probably been working out a lot more. She shook her head, she wasn’t here to check him out or get all hot and bothered, this was a business call or whatever you wanted to call it.

”Hi,” she gave a weak smile, ”I’m sorry for just showing up like this, but I wanted to see you… “ she said nervously. You could tell she had little to no confidence right now, which was weird considering she always practically exploded with confidence. ”You don’t have company or anything, do you? I don’t want to intrude or anything,” she said, trying to avoid checking him out again, ”Yeah, that might be a good idea,” she smiled a little, ”and perhaps a shirt?” she suggested. Can I come in?” she asked. ”please? It won’t take long, I promise,” she said, hoping he’d let her in, all she wanted was a few minutes of his time.

WORDS: 567
TAGGED: Adam
NOTES: (:

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[ADAM FYNN TAYLOR]

Adam wasn’t sure whether to laugh, or cry. Ultimately Ariel had been the last person he’d expected to see anytime soon. Especially at his doorstep. But now that she was here, and she wasn’t acting like her usual cocky confident self, he was a little concerned as to why she was standing in front of him. ”It’s… it’s okay.” He muttered, feeling more awkward than he’d ever felt. Adam bit his lip and he ran a hand through his hair before shrugging his shoulders at her question. ”No I’m on my own. Just took a shower.” He confirmed, explaining his attire. It wasn’t like he was like her, he wasn’t one of those guys that had any girl back to his house; Ariel had been the only one to have made it that far. Sure he’d seen a few girls since they’d split up; but he’d never brought anyone home, and he’d never thought about anyone the way he’d felt about Ariel. But that was in the past, he knew he had to change his trail of thought. Adam blushed as Ariel agreed that he should put some clothes on. He’d felt her eyes on him, and he’d felt that lingering tension between them. ”Okay.” He added, holding the door for her, as he grabbed a pair of jogging bottoms and a tee shirt from the fresh laundry pile, and dressed in front of her. He pointed to the couch and motioned for her to sit. He perched on the edge of the sofa. ”Your hair looks good long. I always liked it long.” He mumbled, his voice a little nervous.

Adam waited patiently and clasped his hands together. ”So… you wanted to see me?” He asked her curiously, he really couldn’t see why. They hadnt spoken for months; she’d basically humiliated him by throwing his feelings back in his face. He’d warned her that he wouldn’t be her hero anymore, that she couldn’t depend on him for sex or anything else. He was done with throwing emotional support at her, and he was done with being some sort of sex toy that she could throw to the bottom of the pile whenever she got bored. He’d tried to ignore the rumours about her, the ones that indicated she’d been in some trouble a few months back. Or the pictures and rumours he’d heard about her and Avery. He’d deleted her from facebook and while he had her number in his phone he’d refused to call or text it. When she’d not bothered with him, he knew it was over. Well and truly over. Yet she was sat in his house, almost preparing him for some elaborate story. He knew she’d been missing for a while, and part of him wondered if she’d gone and had an abortion, or even a baby- he wouldn’t put anything past her. Not since she rejected his offer to help with a baby; not that they had one but she still had lied to him, then there was the fact he told her he was in love with her and she’d remained silent. They’d said their goodbyes and he was trying very hard to move on. He knew it wasn’t working but Ariel didn’t. Not that she’d actually care. She didn’t care about him and that’s why they were in this situation. ”Ariel, just before you start, if you’ve come for sex, even though I’d like to, I can’t.” He told her feeling more awkward but a little irritated by the whole fact that she’d turned up and he had no damn clue why.

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[ARIEL LEAH HEART]

Ariel could already feel the awkward tension, but she tried her best to ignore it. She was here for a reason and she wasn’t leaving until she got to talk to him. She was glad to hear that he didn’t have company, she didn’t know what she would have done if he did. She probably would have taken it as a sign to just let him go and let him live his life, she didn’t deserve him in hers, but she wanted him to know that she truly was sorry for everything. She was glad he didn’t completely dismiss her as soon as he spotted her, even if she deserved it for the way things ended with them. He stepped back, opening the door wider, letting her come inside. ”Thanks,” she muttered as she walked past him and walked inside, looking around a bit as he changed. She stole one more quick glance at his abs, before he was completely clothed, she couldn’t help it. Why did he have to open the door like that?


She felt a blush reach her cheeks as his compliment left his lips and smiled, ”Thanks, me too,” she said with a nod as she walked to the couch and took a seat. She nodded, ”yeah, I wanted to talk to you,” she said clearing her throat a little and taking a breath. She stayed quiet for a moment, still trying to figure out where she would even begin, but before she could open her mouth to start, he spoke. She frowned at his words and she shook her head, ”What? No, I didn’t come for that. I wouldn’t do that to you… especially after everything that’s happened.” she looked down at her hands. She hated that he saw her that way, but she couldn’t blame him, that’s exactly what it seemed like back when they were fooling around. She didn’t see it then, but she did now and the guilt was eating away at her.

”adam,” she began and looked up again at him, ”just listen, that’s all I’m asking for,” she said seriously. ”I just came to tell you… that… I’m sorry for everything that happened with us and… You were right, about everything. I should have listened to you, I hate myself for it. I was selfish and delusional....and just caught up in the lifestyle” she said stopping for a moment as she thought about what happened. Even though she has come a long way from it, it still haunted her at times. ”Something bad happened and… well, I’ve been sober for 3 months,” she bit her lip a little, ”I’m starting to reevaluate my life and… I’m realizing all the shit I’ve done and how irresponsible and careless I’ve been to myself…and to others, and I’m just really sorry for everything. You were just trying to help me because you cared and… I didn’t see that, but I do now, I guess you could say I… learned my lesson” she looked down and her hands, playing with them a little.

WORDS: 498
TAGGED: Adam
NOTES: (:

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[ADAM FYNN TAYLOR]

Adam wasn’t really sure what Ariel wanted. They’d passed each other in the corridor, like passing ships in the night. She hadn’t spoken to him, and he hadn’t spoken to her. It was out of the blue and somewhat shocked that she just turned up. That she’d caught him in his boxer shorts; that he’d just invited her in. He stood back and watched her as she walked inside; she’d changed. She looked better, healthier. But he didn’t really get that; he didn’t really understand how she could look healthy when she drank and took drugs as if they were going out of fashion. They were two very opposite people; and when he got down to it, he had to convince himself that they had very little in common. Maybe for the most part it was true, but it was merely a defence mechanism so that he didn’t fall for her again. He couldn’t fall into bed with her, even though the majority of his thoughts were about ripping off her clothes and pushing her onto the couch while he kissed her.

He was surprised when she blushed and he raised an eyebrow as she confirmed that she too had preferred her hair at that length. It was news to him. But he’d only known her with longer hair for a short period of time, the rest of their relationship- if you could call it that- she’d had short hair. He nodded as she confirmed she wanted to talk to him. It was all a little random, and while he couldn’t help but say what he had to say, he almost regretted it. He was totally torn and had an internal argument going on about whether it would be totally wrong to have sex with her, if that’s what she was wanting. ”Oh okay… I just thought… never mind.” he was going to say that he’d thought they’d cut ties as friends, when she ignored his confession that he was in love with her. But he couldn’t bring himself to embarrass himself in his own home.

The way she said his name sent shivers down his spine. He nodded and listened, taking a deep breath as he partly expected something terrible coming from her mouth, but instead he was shocked. The words tumbled from her mouth and Adam opened his mouth to speak but really, no words could actually comment on the first part of her speech. She could apologise, but that didn’t make it right… but then she continued, and she was sober? ”Your sober? Really? Wow, that’s real good Ariel.” He told her, the shock clearly evident in the tone of his voice. He wondered what had happened to her, but he didn’t dare ask her. He wasn’t sure he really wanted to know, because the last time he’d spent the night looking after her, she could have gotten herself killed. ”Okay… well… it’s in the past, I’m glad your setting your life straight… “ He told her, wondering why exactly she’d come to see him. There was a silence, but it was surprisingly comfortable, as Adam watched her and thought about their situation. ”So you just starting at A and working your way down the list or did you specifically want to tell me? Last time we talked…. I guess it seemed like you weren’t interested in this.” he enquired, indicating when he said ‘this’ to himself and then her. He was baffled and he couldn’t quite figure out why. She looked genuine, but he knew that addicts were good at hiding what they really felt… he wasn’t sure if he could trust her. And he was still thinking about how much he cared about her, and how beautiful she looked.

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[ARIEL LEAH HEART]

Ariel could only be relieved that Adam had actually let her come inside and speak to him, because really, this visit could have gone a different way. He seemed like he was in a better place now, so that was good, maybe their little break was more than necessary. As much as she wanted to believe that they could become at least friends again, she knew it was a long shot, she had probably hurt him way too much. She nodded and noticed the surprise in his tone, but that was expected, who would have thought the ultimate party girl herself would be sober? ”Yeah, thanks… I actually like it better than I thought I would,” she said, talking about being sober, it was true too, she was more aware of her surroundings and thinking about certain stuff wasn’t so bad. Before, she used to drink or do drugs to push her sober thoughts away, and they helped for the most part but didn’t allow her to figure things out soon enough.

She was thankful he didn’t ask about what had happened to her, she didn’t have it in her to tell him, at least not yet. Perhaps in the future she could tell him, only if he really wanted to know, though, it wasn’t hard to find out, the stupid gossip blogger had already started on the rumor mill. ”Yeah…” she nodded, yeah, it was in the past, but that didn’t mean it didn’t still haunt her. She had been scared for even someone to touch her for a while, giving up sex for just as long as she’d be sober, but she was okay now. She had crossed that bridge and she was finally at a less scared state. She wasn’t even sure how her ex boyfriend Avery was doing, but whenever she saw him he was with a different girl, so she assumed he was dealing with what happened much better than she was.

She smiled a little at his question, ”There is no list, you’re the only person I wanted to really talk to… “ she said honestly, sighing. ”Look, I was always the type of person that didn’t do… feelings… it was another reason why I took in so many different substances… it helped me forget and… I didn’t have to deal with how I felt,” she shrugged, ”I liked you, a lot…. And I didn’t know what to do with that… and when you told me you….” she bit her lip, unsure if it was okay to say it, but he knew what she would be talking about. ”I wanted to hug you and never let you go, because no one has ever told me that before but… I wasn’t sure of my own feelings, plus… remember you were telling me all the things that were wrong with me… and I just couldn’t handle it,” she frowned and then finally looked up at him. ”We were wrong for each other, Adam… despite our feelings. I had to let you go,” she said, hoping he’d get it,

”And… I didn’t know that I loved you… until… I lost you,” she said never really saying that outloud before, but she was at a place in her life where she was mature enough to be honest with her feelings. She looked down at her hands again, ”I even got a boyfriend to try to forget about you and look where that got me,” she shook her head at her own choices in life and sighed. She looked at him again, she hated that looking at him was a little scary, only because she always wondered what was going through his head. He had such an impact on her and he didn’t even know it. ”I was interested…” she confirmed with a light nod.

WORDS: 637
TAGGED: Adam
NOTES: (:

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[ADAM FYNN TAYLOR]

Adam shifted his weight uncomfortably as Ariel told him that she liked being sober. It was strange and awkward because he couldn’t actually remember a time when they’d had a serious conversation when she was sober, and not hung over. He smiled at her and shrugged his shoulders, ”Yeah… It’s not bad.” He wasn’t a drinker, she knew that. ”I tried to drink a little while ago, but getting pissed really isn’t me.” Adam told her smiling, partly embarrassed by what he had tried to do. He wasn’t the sort of guy who went out and got drunk, he wasn’t the sort of guy to go sleeping around; but when Ariel rejected him, he changed. Adam knew it was probably a blip in his lifestyle, since he’d gone back to training when he realised blurred memories of one night stands, and hangovers weren’t really his deal.

He’d stopped watching out for the gossip. As soon as she rejected him, he knew it would be all over the gossip blast. He knew Ariel had been seeing someone; that almost tore him apart and so he’d unsubscribed to it. He’d avoided her. He’d avoided anything to do with Ariel. And she was stood here in his home. He was glad no one was home, but it made it even more tempting to be around her. To be close to her, he hadn’t seen her in months and he hadn’t been laid in a while. It was all too much and the fact that she was there, giving him this confession, almost freaked him out.

Adam raised an eyebrow, he wasn’t quite sure where this conversation was going, the fact that she wanted to talk to him, and not the many other people she’d potentially screwed made him curious. She began to explain and he instantly felt uncomfortable. Worse than he had done before. He took a deep breath and sighed standing up to move around a little as she referred to his ginormous mistake, when he told her he was in love with her. Before she had time to elaborate he shook his head. ”Don’t apologise Ariel. If it wasn’t there then I’m glad you didn’t lie.” He told her feeling uncomfortable as he ran a hand through his hair. She continued and he frowned. It made no sense to him, but he wasn’t really used to these sorts of conversations. He’d only ever had feelings for Ariel. ”Ariel, you didn’t have to come here to tell me that we were wrong for each other. I know you thought that… you know how I felt…. I don’t want to talk about it. It’s the first and last time I’ll ever tell anyone how I feel.” He told her openly, her rejection had tainted him.

He was about to continue on, show her the door until she told him that she loved him. He gulped and raised his head to stare at her wide eyed. His jaw ajar a little and his mouth evidently speechless. She told him she got a boyfriend and the thoughts of kissing her fell from his mind and instead were replaced by that blonde douche bag Avery. ”Nice. Well your boyfriend should never have let you go. He must have been some guy for you to have considered going with him. I mean unless you were in love with him too.” he suggested curiously, a little confused at it all. He sighed and shook his head. ”So you loved me in the past tense form of the world; you need to tell me anything else to make me feel like a prick, miss you just a little bit more or make your sins go away?” He stated bluntly, deciding that it was better to keep her at arms length since he didn’t have reason to believe she was there for any other reason than her own conscience.

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[ARIEL LEAH HEART]

Ariel was never good at talking about how she felt, but thanks to therapy sessions and group discussions, she started to see that it wasn’t so bad. It still scared her to have people see what was going on in her head, but it had gotten easier. She had never told anyone how she felt about them like this though, so she was a little nervous, plus, she knew it was probably too little too late. She bit her lip when he said he’d tried drinking and she frowned, ”Oh,” it wasn’t like him to really drink, and to get pissed while drunk? It hurt her to hear that he had sunken to that point. She got a little caught off guard when he stood up and started to pace, but she wasn’t surprised. She knew this was going to be a heavy conversation, but then again, he wasn’t aware of it.

As he spoke, it only made her feel worse, ”No, don’t say that,” she shook her head. ”I was the idiot for not realizing how I felt at the time, i was a coward and didn’t want to face my feelings,” she said not wanting him to be afraid to tell someone how he felt about them again. She could see what she had done to him and it only made herself more disappointed in herself. ”I let you walk away,” she said in a lower tone, she knew it was the right thing to do at the time, she couldn’t be a constant drunken bother in his life. He deserved so much better than her, even if she was the one he wanted specifically. She was never good at this stuff, which was why she always made impulsive decisions.

Ariel rolled his eyes as he talked about her ex-boyfriend, ”He was a good guy, but he wasn’t the guy I really wanted,” she said looking down at her hands again. She looked up at him with a look of offense, ”No, I wasn’t in love with him,” she said in an exasperated tone, ”I don’t just fall in love with anyone, I’ve never even been in love until you came along.” She still felt weird talking about her feelings especially to the person they were for, she wasn’t even sure if she’d be able to fall in love with someone else. The part of her heart that Adam had didn’t seem like it would ever go away, which only hurt her more because she knew she couldn’t have him. She had lost that chance.

”No I didn’t mean it like that, Adam,” she was starting to get a little frustrated, but she knew he was going to be difficult, even if it was as a defense mechanism. ”I still do love you, that’s why I’m here, Adam!” she looked at him and closed her eyes as she buried her face in her hands for a moment. She just needed a moment to herself; too many things were going through her head right now. She wasn't expecting to share with him that she was still in love with him, but it had come out. She finally looked at him again, ”I’m not here just so I can feel better about myself, jeez,” she said leaning back on the couch and looking forward, at nothing in particular. She was probably stupid for coming here, she should have known it wouldn’t have gone well. ”I missed you…and I wanted to apologize for the way I treated you, and for you to know that I did give a shit about you” she said seriously. "I know it's not going to fix anything, but I wanted you to know," she gave a shrug, thinking maybe she should just leave.

WORDS: 583
TAGGED: Adam
NOTES: (:

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[ADAM FYNN TAYLOR]

Adam wasn’t exactly experienced in having serious conversations. In fact the only serious conversation he’d ever been able to remember, was his father telling him on the phone how he was going to be coming home from the army with one leg. That was now apart of his life and it really didn’t phase him. The fact was, in his freshmen year, he’d arrived on campus; single and a virgin. Ariel had been the first girl he’d really met and until recently she’d been the only girl he’d been with sexually. It was no secret that she was or more had been, a slut. But Adam had been an easy target for her, and very quickly he’d fallen hard and fast for the brunette. Not that he’d realised it. If he had, he’d probably have gotten out a long long time ago. But as it were time progressed and within no time, Ariel was not only a slut, but she was also an addict. He couldn’t remember her problems being that bad when he’d first met her. Then she’d not told him about the baby… she’d driven him insane.

He sighed as she tried to convince him otherwise; talk him out of thinking that admitting his feelings was a bad thing. But he couldn’t go through what he’d been through it was bad. Really bad, and he’d just started to get over her, and yet here she was; manipulating his mind without even knowing it. ”So what you saying Ariel? That I should tell girls how I feel, and just get used to being rejected?” He asked her rolling his eyes, not really getting what she was trying to say. Of course she let him walk away but he wasn’t about to try and give her the strength she needed to feel better about the situation. It had all been terrible in his eyes and he couldn’t imagine being able to feel that way about someone again. But that might have been down to the fact that he was still very much in love with her.

Adam watched her roll her eyes, and he felt irritated as she spoke about this ex boyfriend of hers. The guy who he wanted to punch, just because he should have been her boyfriend. If she was going to commit that was. ”Well I guess you’ll find the guy you want Ariel. You usually get everything you want.” He told her, commenting on the fact that she had always seemed to be able to command guys to do as she wanted. It was almost a skill but Adam was fairly convinced that the guy she wanted would never be him. ”So you loved me and you didn’t tell me. I just find it hard to believe. You didn’t exactly treat me like you loved me. You slept with my best friend.” he sighed and shook his head. What did he believe anymore? He really wasn’t sure.

He groaned because he hated this argument. There was nothing more that could be said to make the past turn sweet, it was in the past. And on a plus side she’d sobered up. For him? For herself? Who knew. She confessed her love for him and he stood a little shell shocked. He bit his lip and shook his head. ”You… you love me?” He asked her bewildered , reaching back so he could scratch his head awkwardly. He just didn’t know what to say, girls didn’t love him. No one had ever told him that they loved him. He stepped back as she started to speak again, and accidently he tripped on the table, almost landing on his ass. ”Shit.” He caught his balance and moved over to sit on the sofa next to her. His body angled to her. ”I was just starting to move on Ariel… I was trying to cut you out… then you show up here… I hate the fact that you do this to me.” He mumbled quietly because he just wasn’t good with words. ”I’m so in love with you, I can’t get you out of my head. But how can I even trust you again?” He asked her curiously.

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[ARIEL LEAH HEART]

Ariel nibbled on her bottom lip as he spoke and she shook her head, ”no, I’m saying that not every girl is going to let you walk away,” she tried to explain as best as she could. There was no other way she could think of to try to get him to see what she meant. It was true though, all girls were idiotic and selfish like she had been. Adam was a good guy, a really good guy, so it wouldn’t be hard for him to find another girl. It wasn’t that she wanted him with another girl but she felt like she had already fucked up her chances with him and she was in no place to tell him what to do. She looked down at her hands, ”Not everything,” she muttered in reply. She hated to see how selfish she was in his eyes, it only made her feel worse about herself and it hurt to see what he thought of her. She didn’t do these things on purpose; she just… did them, when she wanted something she went for it and didn’t think of the consequences or of anyone’s feelings, even her own.

”I didn’t know I loved you, I told you that,” she replied and sighed when he brought up the fact that she slept with Aiden again. ”yeah, once. And I didn’t do it again once you told me not to,” she said seriously, it was true too. She didn’t just listen to any guy when they told her not to sleep with someone, in fact, she hated when someone tried to tell her what to do like that. Adam was different though, she had always cared more about him than any other guy, she just didn’t know that it was actually more than just care, it was love. She stared at her hands, she wanted this conversation to be over already, it killed her talking about this stuff and just getting yelled at for everything coming out of her mouth. She knew he had the right to be angry, but she hated seeing him so mad at her.

’you…you love me?’, she looked at him, a little bit of fear in her eyes, and nodded. She wasn’t sure if she should have revealed that she was still in love with him, what was the point? It didn’t matter, did it? She stayed quiet, letting him process it, not knowing exactly what to add to that. She spoke again just laying the rest out there and jumped a little when he almost tripped. He walked over to her and sat beside her, she could feel her body tense up a bit. She wasn’t sure if she was scared, worried, or just nervous. She frowned a little, mostly because she felt bad that he couldn’t move on, but a part of her was glad he hadn’t. ”I don’t mean to…” she said quietly. She smiled a little when he admitted he was still in love with her and couldn’t get her out of his head. Was there still a chance?

But then he asked her the million dollar question, ’How can I even trust you again?’, she couldn’t blame him for asking. She had broken his trust more than once, but that was when she was in a different mindset. This was a new Ariel, a sober and more mature Ariel. She bit her lip as she thought of what to say, how could he trust her again? ”i… I don’t know… I’m in a better place now mentally… “ she began, ”and I really couldn’t bare losing you again… I… what’s it gonna take to gain your trust back?” she asked. ”I know it’s going to take time, but I’m willing to work for it, really” she said looking at him and reached over to touch his hand, but hesitated and took her hand back quickly. ”Just please… give me another chance…” she said in a bit of a pleading tone, her eyes never leaving him.

WORDS: 672 TAGGED: Adam NOTES: (:

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